Too open?

There is so much I want to write about, but I'll try to take it one day at a time.

I love having heart to hearts with people. If anyone wants to have a one on one conversation with me, then I'll make it happen. Anytime, anywhere, anyone.

I'll listen and I'll respond but will I open myself up to them?

I'll share with them my opinions and stories that I might have...but will I reveal something about me to them that they never knew?

I think opening myself up to someone has a lot to do with trust. If I can trust them, I'll open myself up to them. To this day, I have not fully revealed myself to anyone, and I'm not sure if I can do that anytime now or in the near future.

When I open myself up to someone, I feel as if they're taking a piece of me that I can no longer get back. They know something about me that they can use to either help me or use against me. Even writing entries like this, makes me feel like I have exposed too much information about me.

Is it bad that I feel this way? Is it bad that I want to keep my thoughts and my true inner emotions to myself? All I want to do is look from the outside in and observe the world around me. I'm fine with the very few close friends I have and I feel like I sometimes waste my time trying to get to know people that don't want to in return. There are a few people recently that I have slowly started to open up to, but I realized that especially in college, opening up has been pretty hard to do. 

Despite all of this, I think to myself, maybe what I need is for someone to just storm into my life, for someone to come in and maybe rescue me from my bottled up feelings. Someone who would be willing to help, someone who will care out of true generosity, someone who I can relate to, or simply someone who will just listen. 

It's like I'm stuck at a fork in the road and I don't know which way to go.

And to end this blog with a quote:

"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need." -Grey's Anatomy